Funniest Quotes You've Heard

MrDrake · **Reply #540 on:** April 09, 2012, 03:58:13 PM

Flanders: Yup, Flancrestenterprises is my internet business
Homer: You lie, you don't have an internet business, why would you make up a lie like that?
Flanders: It's true
Homer: Internet eh?
Flanders: Yup, me and Maude are making some good scratch
Homer: Scratch eh?
Flanders: Yup
Homer: *more seductive-like* Maude eh?

Homer: Wow, a wooden plane! Finally, trees have a use for something other than just standing around being jerks
- The Simpsons

The Chronicler · **Reply #541 on:** April 10, 2012, 09:00:13 PM

Here's a few from recent episodes of Mythbusters

Duct Tape Island

Adam: Can two grown men get by on a deserted island without driving each other crazy?

(Adam is chasing a wild chicken, but it manages to get away by flapping its wings to hop onto a higher branch.)
Adam: It flies!? Nobody told me chickens could fly!

Square Wheels

Adam: It's a square ... wheel! Those two words shouldn't go together.

(Adam and Jaimie are struggling to fit the tread of a round tire around the square wheel.)
Adam: *in a Scottish accent* My family's been fitting square wheels for the last two centuries, now. No one's bought one, though.

(Adam is jumping on the square wheel, still trying to fit the round tire on it.)
Adam: *sounding like a whiny little kid* I want my square wheels!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #542 on:** April 12, 2012, 07:10:01 PM

DBZA:

Krillin: Goku, it was terrible. We landed here, and then there were these really strong guys; (Voice Gets More Whiney); and then there were even more strong guys! And then our ship blew up! And then there were even more-!

Goku: Bored now. Reading your mind.

Krillin: Wait, wha-?
*Goku places palm on his forehead and reads his thoughts*

Goku: Ha ha! That thing was a guy!

Krillin: Goku did you just read my mind?

Goku: Yuh-huh.

Krillin: But how did you-?

Goku: Muffin button.

Krillin: :blink: ...what?

Goku: Huh?
---------------------------

Recoome: Recoome will not be ignored!

Goku: SIR! I'm TRYING to talk to my friends! Hey Vegeta, we're friends now right?

Vegeta: F*** off.

Goku: The best.

MrDrake · **Reply #543 on:** April 21, 2012, 06:15:37 PM

Agnes: It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!

Gru: Coookie robots! Why...why are you....why are you so....old?
Dr Nefarious: *beat* Right, I'm on it

Vector: *after Gru punches his shark* He punched my shark!
- Despicable Me

Ptyra · **Reply #544 on:** April 21, 2012, 07:26:12 PM

Doctor: Oh, you've been taking gobble-dee-gook lessons! I like it!"
- In the Doctor Who Novel "Prisoner of the Daleks", to Dalek X

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #545 on:** April 22, 2012, 04:30:00 PM

DBZA
*Super Kami Guru gives Krillin a Dragonball*

Super Kami Guru: Just don't steal the TV.

Nail: Sir we... don't have a television.

Super Kami Guru: Nail, gather the rest of the Dragonballs and wish for a plasma screen TV.

Nail: Lord Guru, that would be a grievous misuse of their powers.

Super Kami Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your head!
----------------
Super Kami Guru: NAAAAAAIIIL!!!

Nail: What?

Super Kami Guru: I saw a bird. It was pretty... kick it's ass.
-----------------
*Goku goes to the fridge*

Goku: Whoo, alrighty! Time for a post-workout drink.
*Pulls out a can of beer*
Goku: Nah, it's too early for me to get crunk.
*Pulls out an energy drink*
Goku: Nah, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.
*Pulls out can of nuts*
Goku: I can't drink these, these are nuts!
*Pulls out TeamFourStar Soda can*
Goku: What's this? It looks delicious! And it's high in calcium.

Do do do do do... TeamFourStar Soda!

MrDrake · **Reply #546 on:** May 25, 2012, 07:18:14 PM

Policeman: You wish to report a murder.
Frank: Attempted murder.
Policeman: That's not so serious.
Frank: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious.
- The Tourist

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #547 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:21:57 PM

Dragonball Z Abridged

*King Kai is contacting Goku*

King Kai: Goku is that you? I swear to God if this is George Takei again I'm going to shove a brick right up the Verizon guy's a-

Goku: King Kai?

King Kai: Ah, there you are Goku.

*Later on after Goku hangs up on King Kai, he tries to call him back*

King Kai: Goku, I will ride your ass on this one!

George Takei: Oh my...

King Kai: DAMMIT TAKEI!!!!!

------------------

Krillin: Alright, but if we're gonna be a team, we need a name.

Vegeta: No we don't.

Krillin: I know! How about "Team Three Star"?

Vegeta: ...What?

Krillin: Well we're a team, and there's three of us, and the Dragonballs have stars on them. Team Three Star!

Vegeta: That just makes me want to kill you even more; and you're still the second most annoying bald person I ever had the displeasure of working with.

Krillin: Team Three Star, move out!

Vegeta: I swear to God...!

MrDrake · **Reply #548 on:** June 08, 2012, 05:23:13 PM

Homer: Lisa! Knock off that racket!
Lisa: But Dad, I'm supposed to practice an hour a day!
Homer: I'll practice you!
Lisa: You'll practice me...what does that mean? Is it supposed to be some sort of a threat?
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #549 on:** June 14, 2012, 02:06:41 PM

DBZA:
*Krillin throws a Destructo Disc at Nappa*

Nappa: Ooh! A Frisbee Vegeta!

Vegeta: NAPPA, NO!! IT'S A TRICK!!!

Nappa: But Vegeta... "Trix are for kids."

Vegeta: ...You know what Nappa, on second thought catch it. Catch it with your teeth.

Nappa: YAY! Like a doggie...

Nappa's Best Day Ever
Nappa's Best Day Ever

MrDrake · **Reply #550 on:** June 26, 2012, 05:50:33 PM

Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
---
Plankton: It looks like an ordinary penny....because it is an ordinary penny!
---
Squidward: That's the stupidist thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb
- SpongeBob SquarePants

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #551 on:** June 29, 2012, 03:46:54 PM

Sealab 2021

Quinn: You can't test drugs on humans! There are rules, procedures. It has to be tested on animals first.

Sparks: Why?! Why does all the crap we use have to be tested on animals?

Quinn: Becau-

Sparks: Look, a mouse doesn't need deodorant. A rabbit doesn't need hairspray. A monkey doesn't need pills to get ramped up for hot monkey sex! It's PEOPLE man! We're already miserable; SO WHY SHOULDN'T WE TRY IT ALL FIRST?!?!

Quinn: ...Well... you got a point there acutally...
--------------------------------------------
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Twilight Sparkle: Ah! My eye!

Pinkie Pie: Don't worry, Twilight, I have eye patches stashed all over Ponyville, in case of eye patch emergency. There! Now you look like a pirate. A sleepy pirate, with a really weird mane cut.
------------------------------------------
Red vs Blue

Grif: We're going the wrong way.

Church: How would you know? You haven't been here before.

Grif: You haven't been here before either!

Church: But I'm not the one telling everyone they're going the wrong way!

Grif: ...Shut up.

MrDrake · **Reply #552 on:** June 29, 2012, 03:53:09 PM

Pinkie Pie: Well, I hear she eats hay
Twilight: Pinkie! I eat hay! You eat hay!
Pinkie Pie: Yeah well...I hear it's the evil way she eats hay
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Ptyra · **Reply #553 on:** June 29, 2012, 04:55:02 PM

^ Love that bit!

The Doctor: *To a Policeman trying to arrest him for aiding a thief* I'll just pop into that police box (the TARDIS) and arrest myself

Escape win

MrDrake · **Reply #554 on:** June 30, 2012, 12:10:40 AM

Shenzi: Aint no way I'm going in there, you want me coming out looking like you? Cactus butt!?
- The Lion King

Ptyra · **Reply #555 on:** June 30, 2012, 08:30:15 PM

The Doctor: *To the Cybermen, who stomp about quite loudly* Woah, that's cheating, sneaking up! Are your legs on silent?
- Doctor Who, the Next Doctor

MrDrake · **Reply #556 on:** July 01, 2012, 06:38:18 PM

Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is ediable, even I am ediable, but that dear children is called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most countries
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #557 on:** July 02, 2012, 02:36:54 PM

DBZA

Nail: Lord Guru sir, we have another traveler from Earth here to see you.

Super Kami Guru: Oh, please tell me you didn't let him inside...

Gohan: Hello Mr. Guru.

Super Kami Guru: OH GOD DAMMIT!

Gohan: My friend Krillin said you can help me by touching me...

Super Kami Guru: Do I look Catholic to you?

Nail: Sir, I think he means he wants you to unlock his hidden potential...

Gohan: Yeah, that thing.

Super Kami Guru: Very well then. (Places hand on top of Gohan's head) Stand still. It's your first time so I'll be gentle. Now relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.

Gohan: :blink: I need an adult...?

Super Kami Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUULT!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #558 on:** July 04, 2012, 05:44:14 AM

Filly Rarity: A rock!? That's my destiny!? What is the matter with you horn!? I followed you all the way out here for a rock!? Ugh! Dumb rock!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

LBTLover1 · **Reply #559 on:** July 04, 2012, 09:07:26 AM

"If life gives you melons, you probably have dyslexia."