Well, I am not sure if it is typical to use one's welcome thread in such a manor, but having something to say about myself, I see no better place to do so, and besides, ironically, my old title applies to this update as well.
I am very sorry for my delays in responding to places and people on this forum. I know I'm a member of multiple RP's here, and members have wished to chat frequently with me, but I have a bit of an awkward situation, one that has been occuring for over a month now.
This time period shouldn't surprise many of you here, having seen the odditites of my writing accelerating from around then. I must clarify a few things, if only for the sake that you all understand such an increase of eccentricity is not done with a purpose. You see, I haven't had full usage of my brain from the time that I was twelve until not much longer than a month ago.
For those who have read the post of mine telling about myself, you know I have a psychotic disorder, a neuro chemical imbalance. However, the reason such lights are coming through in my recent posts and not for the first months I was here, that is due to the removal of my "help."
I had taken an anti psychotic drug called Zyprexa four times a day for the last nine years to enhance normality by limiting my thought process. As my kind tends to go a multitude of places mentally a day, this slowed my brain down. Two effects of Zyprexa are sedation (the calming of mental excitement or abatement of physiological function) and an impairment of judgement and thinking skills. So for most of the time I've been here, my mind has been forcefully calmed and weakened to prevent such recent displays of mine. For those who enjoy technicalities, this is the full drug description in question:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine.
Though I am having more difficulty lately than just my writing. Since Zyprexa promotes weight gain due to increased appetite, aftet being off of it just around five weeks, I have lost 39 pounds, having a much reduced desire to eat, typically dining just once a day now. I am overwhelmed very easily with active surroundings, and, having a job that is focused on human interaction being a loader, I put in my notice at work, although I find another one working from home.
My mind is going, as the exaggerated saying goes, "a hundred miles a minute," and I sleep no more than five hours a night. My perception has increased exponentially, but that is not a blessing in the slightest. It is hard to focus on a task when nearly every minor detail disrupts my train of thought. The reason my RP attendance has decreased so is, agonizing over every detail, which can lead to a fifteen minute trial and error of just a single sentence, wears me out fairly quickly. Not so much as my job though, so after my last day at the hardware store (5/10) you will see much more of me here, be that a good thing, or not. You see, my boss had been giving me eleven hour days, and working five days a week, and I have, perhaps selfishly, been spending a lot time playing an online game Explorer suggested to me, which has been getting my mind off things to help me relax.
Having been influenced by that drug so long, I had literally forgotten what it was like to think with my complete mind, not being chained back. One of these two things will happen: I will either lose myself more as time goes on, or learn to think on my own again, as I am working with a member here via chatting who is well versed in a large number of normalities and on explaining them in a way I can understand. If I don't improve after a while though, I should probably leave here, because before I had been taking that pill, I unintentionally made many people I spoke with umcomfortable or offended them, and despite loving this forum, I know that others do too, and that factor would surely be lowered with someone here bothering them.
I suppose that's really all I have to say. I just wanted everyone to understand what's been happening, since I'm certain that at least a few people were wondering as to my change. Later.
