The funniest things you've said or heard

Justin1993 · **Reply #40 on:** July 21, 2011, 01:24:13 AM

I was out searching for World War Z by Max Brooks at a Books-A-Million store and this kid, maybe 16 or older, came up to me and started a strange conversation

Quote

Kid: "Can I kill you?"
Me: "Maybe later." (moves on)
Kid: "Later doesn't exactly work for me. I have important business to take care of."
Me: "Well, maybe after you take care of your 'important business.'"
Kid: "Hmm, I guess I'll try again tomorrow."

I didn't go back the next day. People are get stranger these days. :blink:

The Chronicler · **Reply #41 on:** August 04, 2011, 05:30:17 PM

In the past week, the internet connection at my house went out a total of four days (last Thursday, then Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday), and all of them happened at around 9 p.m. I caught onto the predictability of this after the second time, so when it happened again on Monday, I walked up to my dad and said:

Quote

Guess what? It's 9 o'clock: internet's out.

You know a problem is predictable when you say something like that.

LBTDiclonius · **Reply #42 on:** August 07, 2011, 06:40:24 PM

While I was watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. (Yes, I AM planning to watch all of them and then go see the Deathly Hallows pt 2 in theatres)

Quote

Hagrid: "Albus Dumbledore, the greatest Wizard Hogwarts has ever seen."

Me: "Also the best name Hogwarts has ever seen."

Another one when I was watching the Sorcerer's Stone.

Quote

Dumbledore: "I'm afraid there are ways that Voldemort can come back."

Me: "Yeah, sequels!"

Belmont2500 · **Reply #43 on:** August 07, 2011, 10:31:10 PM

This happened when I watched the Silent Hill movie for the first time, my shock when finding out that the main character wasn't the same as in the game I shouted: "Hey! You're not Harry Mason!"

MrDrake · **Reply #44 on:** August 08, 2011, 02:23:07 AM

Playing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2:

Dumbldore's Brother: I am Dumbledore's brother
Me: Of course he has a brother >.>

My friend playing inFamous:

Friend: They should so do a zombie verison of this
Me: They already did and they called it Prototype

Me playing Mortal Kombat 9:

*Quan-Chi has just summoned his soul tornado*
Me: Now, I shall tap all my black mana to activate my Soul Tornado!

LBTDiclonius · **Reply #45 on:** August 14, 2011, 03:55:53 AM

While I was watching Harry Potter (again...) and seeing just who was playing Cedric Digory or however you spell his name.

Quote

*Looks at screen.*

Me: "Oh my god it's Robert Pattinson! ...I never thought I would say that..."

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #46 on:** August 14, 2011, 10:09:16 PM

Today happened to be a full moon, and I said the following at work to some of my coworkers after dealing with a serious psycho of a customer:

"I didn't know werewolves came out in broad daylight."

My coworkers' laughs made it even funnier

.

MrDrake · **Reply #47 on:** September 01, 2011, 02:45:22 AM

My friend just said one of the funniest things I've heard today while he was playing Dead Island. His character relies on alcohol to get stronger (yes, no lie):

Friend: *loots alcohol* Yes! Alcohol! That'll save me!

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #48 on:** November 14, 2011, 12:52:06 AM

^Speaking of alcohol

...

The other day, a family member was looking at the LBT DVD that has eight and nine on it (the one with our favorite swimmer running around all goofy and happy like she had a pot of coffee

). The following took place:

Family member: "Are those a bunch of drunk dinosaurs in that picture? Which one is the crazy-looking green one?"

Me: "Ya know her name."

FM: "No I don't! Is it Petey?"

Me (

): "No. It's Ducky."

FM (

): "Ducky! That's right! The one who never shuts up. And what's that she's got on her head? A *explicative*?"

Me (

): "Hey!"

FM (:blink:): "What did I say?"

Me (

): "A'ight, spit it out. Were ya drinkin' before we met up?"

FM: "No, but I was wondering the same about those crazy-looking dinosaurs. Why's Ducky running around like a drunk dumbs***?"

Me (

): "Oh, so that's where my unattended Bloody Mary went. As for you, time to get your tail to bed before ya talk any more out of it."

*This particular family member has been feeling sick, and when they do they talk like they've been drinking

.*

Littlefoot Fan · **Reply #49 on:** November 17, 2011, 10:34:20 AM

My friend: I just wasted all that money on a monitor with 1 billion colors that I can't even tell are there.

Me: Oh don't feel so bad, you only spent $1,300 on it.

My friend: Oh gee thanks!

Petrie85 · **Reply #50 on:** November 17, 2011, 11:26:30 AM

Well I've said some thing that are funny but not appropriate for this site.

The Chronicler · **Reply #51 on:** November 19, 2011, 07:32:31 PM

This one came from one of my classes a few weeks ago. Our assignment was to design a block (3"x3"x1") for a marble to fall through from one corner to another. One of the requirements was to have three views of the block; the top, front, and right sides. However, many of the students (not me) put the left side on their paper instead of the right side. As the professor looked over our papers in front of us, he wrote down "Wrong!" each time he saw the left side instead of the right side. Eventually I said:

Quote

Yeah, you want people to give you the right view, not the wrong view.

It took a bit of explaining for anyone to understand the pun I was saying, but once everyone got it, we all got a big laugh out of it.

MrDrake · **Reply #52 on:** November 19, 2011, 10:10:48 PM

Hehe nice one XD

And this is from my friend playing Spider-Man: Edge of Time:

Me: *sees Anti-Venom throw a pipe bomb* Where did he get that pipe bomb from!?
Friend: Uh, Duke Nukem?

Petrie85 · **Reply #53 on:** November 20, 2011, 08:40:29 AM

Lol that is pretty funny.

bushwacked · **Reply #54 on:** November 20, 2011, 01:48:02 PM

One of my friends is 18, but he has the mind of a little boy. When he was asked if there were any 'Birds' he liked at his university (Birds is english slang for girls), he replied that he "Enjoys looking at the sparrows".

LBTDiclonius · **Reply #55 on:** November 21, 2011, 06:31:12 PM

While I was in band with my friend. This guy who's a Percussionist (ya know, like drums and that stuff) takes a symbol and says

Quote

Dude: "Santa's gotta take this to his workshop to get it fixed." (He's talking about himself when he says Santa)

And then I'm like

Quote

Me: "Oh, you're Santa? You're a bit fatter than I remember."

That made my friends day.

vonboy · **Reply #56 on:** November 21, 2011, 08:31:28 PM

Just a little while ago when the family was putting up our Christmas tree, my big brother was putting my gift in it's stocking.

Brother: "We can't tell him what it is."

Me: "Is it that death ray I always wanted?"

My brother's 3 year old daughter: "Uh-huh!"

That just made me burst out laughing for some reason.

The Friendly Sharptooth · **Reply #57 on:** December 09, 2011, 02:43:13 AM

In our last raid on WoW, (the new Dragon Soul raid) our protection paladin, Lapria, was commenting during our two minute break on ventrillo that she wished we could see what gear was transmogrified from. (Transmogrifying is making a piece of gear look like another one.) Our demonology warlock, Sinnersix, said that we can, and that it shows it right on top if she'd just look, and she went, "Oh." So I blurted out, "That's just like you, Lapria. Always looking at bottoms." She exclaimed, "Hey!" and the guys laughed and agreed. So she replied, "Yeah, well you guys found it so easily because boys are always looking at tops!" We all snickered and grew silent until our leader had us pull the boss.

LBTLover1 · **Reply #58 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:08:23 PM

I'm not lost, I'm just underestimating my location.

The Chronicler · **Reply #59 on:** December 20, 2011, 10:32:16 PM

Two things my brother and I said to each other just today:

First, I was watching my brother trying to unroll a string of small Christmas lights, but he could only spin it two or three times before having to stop because the electric plug always came loose and start whipping around. I mention how much that reminds me of a scene from Mythbusters where they're unrolling a long rope and part of it kept whipping Adam on the shoulder, making him go, "Ow ow ow ow ow ow." As soon as I finish mentioning this, the electric plug whips around again, this time actually striking my brother on the shoulder and making him say, "Ow." I laugh at this and say, "Yeah, kinda like that, except it was repeated and not just once."

About two hours later, I look outside and see the package truck leaving the driveway, so I look outside the door to find two packages. I mention this to my brother and he says, "Come on, I just brought in those other two packages. What is this, Christmas?" Almost rhetorically, I say, "Uh, yes."