Funniest Quotes You've Heard

[Spartanguy88]

The Simpsons

*Catch Phrase Time!*

Homer: D'oh!
Bart: Aye Curamba!
Marge: Hmmm....
Maggie: *Sucks on passifier*
Ned Flanders: Hi-diddily-ho!
Barney: UUURRRRRPPP!
Nelson: Haw Haw!
Mr. Burns: Excellent...

*Everyone turns to Lisa*

Lisa: ...If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.

*Walks off*

Homer: ...What kind of catch-phrase is that?

[Ptyra]

^ Heh. I remember that XD .

Some stamp on deviantART: "If idiots could fly, the world would be an airport"
My boyfriend: But then everyone would be crashing into each other
Me: And the world would be less populace
My boyfriend:  

[MrDrake]

Vegeta: I know, I'll turn into the mighty Oozaru and....*realizes something* Where's the moon? Where the damn moon!?
*flashback to Piccolo*
Piccolo: *looking at moon* Moon! *fires blast and destroys the moon*

Vegeta: Now, it's time to reveal my giant monkey.... *camera is on his crotch, crowds gasps* form! *camera pans to his face in the prcoess*
Man in crowd: Thank god, I thought he meant penis!

Piccolo: Now....clothes beam! *fires his "clothes beam" onto a naked Gohan, forming clothes on him*

Piccolo: Gohan! I bought you sparring partner for the day!
Gohan: Really? Who?
*cuts to Gohan being chased by a dinosaur*

Piccolo: *repeated in the first season* Dodge!

Vegeta: What happened to your armour Nappa?
Nappa: I had a hell of a day Vegeta, I sunk their battleships....and their whales....
*cuts to Nappa's area of destruction he had left behind him*
Aquaman: Nooooo!
- Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar

[Spartanguy88]

Red vs Blue

Sarge: To kill your enemy, you need to look at him in the eyes so he knows you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deliver some really zippy one-liners. Like: I hope you brought your wallet... because the rent in Hell is paid in advance!

Grif: Oh my God...

Sarge: Or my personal favorite: You just got Sarge'd. Heh heh. Classic.

[MrDrake]

*Gohan smashes out of Raditz's space pod*
Raditz: No! My space pod!
*Gohan headbutts Raditz, cracking his armour*
Raditz: No! My space armour!
Piccolo: *off screen* We get it! You're from space!

Vegeta: You've taken everything but my pride! *is attacked by Gohan* Ahh my pride!

Goku: Kaioken!
Vegeta: Kai-what? *is attacked by Goku*

Goku: Kaioken times 2!
Vegeta: Times what? *is attacked by Goku*

Vegeta: *he and Goku are locked ina  blast exchange* I've put everything into this attack Kakarot!
Goku: Kaioken....
Vegeta: No....
Goku: Times....
Vegeta: No, no, no....
Goku: Five!
Vegeta: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.....fuuuuuu *is blasted away on the blast*

Vegeta: *in a cave after being injured* This....proves.....nothing.....

Krillin: *about Gohan* Goku, just because we found you as a child, doesn't mean you can go around stealing children

Bulma: So I guess you finally....you know...
Goku: Know what?
Roshi: You know, bow chicka wow wow
Goku: What are those noises you're making?
- Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar

[Spartanguy88]

Team Fortress 2: Meet the Sandvich trailer

*The camera is always inside the fridge, focused on the sandwich or "sandvich".*

-Red Heavy walks into the room sounding wounded-

Blue Scout: There he is!

Blue Soldier: You! Stop right where you are. That is an order! He's getting away! Do not let him get to the refr-!

-Heavy opens fridge and takes one half of the "sandvich" out, then closes the door. The camera is still inside the fridge-

Blue Scout: Don't- don't do it pal.

Blue Soldier: Do. Not. Do it!

-Heavy eats "sandvich" and he is back to perfect health-

Blue Scout: Hey hey hey! Let's settle down here... You listenin' just- just...

-Heavy charges at Scout and Soldier-

Blue Scout: OH GOD! Omigod omigod omig-

-Heavy starts laying waste into the Soldier and Scout-

Red Heavy: HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Blue Scout: MY BLOOD!!!! HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD!!!

Blue Soldier: You call that breaking my spine?! You Red Team ladies wouldn't know how to break a sp- AAAAAH MY SPINE!!!!!!!

Blue Scout: *Lets out girly scream*

[Ptyra]

Bo Peep: It is Buzz! Woody was telling the truth!
Slinky: What have we done?
Rex: GREAT! Now I have guilt!

Andy: (As Woody) You're going to jail, partner. Say good bye to the wife and tater tots!
~From Toy Story

I NEVER noticed the second one until recently

[MrDrake]

Speaking of Toy Story.....

Woody: Buzz, you're flying!
Buzz: This isn't flying! This is falling, in style!

[Spartanguy88]

1 800 MAGIC

Johnson: Why does magic smell like bacon?
--------------

Bidderman: Why does this take so long?
Tech Support: We designed it that way so we can charge by the minute for tech support.
Bidderman: ...
Tech Support: Just kidding... sorta.

[The Chronicler]

Here's a few from Mythbusters:

(from Duct Tape Hour 2)

(Grant is sitting in a car while Tory and Kari wrap duct tape around the car and a lamppost to prevent the car from going anywhere.)
Grant: Hey you kids! What are you doing to my car?


(Adam is walking across a bridge made of duct tape, which is built like a rope bridge.)
Adam: People walk across bridges like this every day!?


(from Waterslide Wipeout)

(Adam is using duct tape to build a giant waterslide, but he drops the roll of duct tape and it rolls all the way down the slide, off the ramp at the end, and into the water.)
Adam: Can I get another roll of duct tape?

[Spartanguy88]

Red vs Blue

Sarge: Simmons, where are you? Come out here!

Simmons:   I'm here, hold on just a second! Doc, it looks like I can't get you out.

Doc:   Yes you can! You're, you can, you haven't really tried yet!

Simmons:   I know, you're right, I should think about the mission.

Doc:   What? No! Not unless this is rescue mission. I'm part of the mission.

Simmons:   It's a noble sacrifice you're making here.

Doc:   No no, I'm not sacrificing. I'm not noble. At all, listen to me, you don't wanna go I
don't want you to go. I don't want you to go!

Simmons:   I'll always remember you, bye!

Doc:   Start by remembering me right now! Simmons!

[MrDrake]

Family Guy

Brian: *upon seeing Peter naked* *everyone in the crowd but him is shocked* Huh....so that's what Peter's penis looks like

[Spartanguy88]

The Simpsons

*Lisa on happy pills*


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpNjWklEbGc

[Ptyra]

I did not care too much for the film "Antz", but there's this scene that I still remember finding hilarious.

*Scene with flies eating...well...what they normally eat *

Fly 1: "Hey!  Tastes like crap!"

Fly 2: "Lemme see!"

*Fly 2 tries crap*

Fly 2: "It IS crap!"

 

For all we know, it could be from a dog, considering how they were in a park :/ . But that's not the one that did it for me. These did.

Bala: Labor? What you YOU know about labor? How would YOU feel if you were expected to give birth every 10 seconds for the rest of your life?
A different kind of labor entirely XD

Z: Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.  

Z: The whole system makes me feel so... insignificant.
Psychologist: Excellent. You've made a real breakthrough.
Z: I have?
Psychologist: Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.
"Now tell me about your mother"

Chip: You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles.
Muffy: Oh, my big, strong pheromone factory.
(They Eskimo kiss)
Z: (nauseated) Oh, brother. Suddenly, I just lost my appetite.
I would too if a couple about...seven or eight times my size were being mushy over me XD . The scene right after that is pretty darn depressing. First you're having a mix between "whaaa?" and "awww", and three seconds later (literally), you're wondering "what they heck happened here D: !?" . I feel so bad for Chip . Seriously, how did she collapse so fast? She wasn't even squashed (for some reason, in my farthest memories of it, I seem to remember that she WAS squashed...on screen...and that the male wasp was far more upset by it.)
 (Now that I think about it, Muffy and Chip remind me of some of my own OC couples a bit...I even imagined them had the same accent that I never had a name for...until I found out that it was "WASP" (White Anglo Saxon Protestant)   )

(As the human is about to scrape gum, along with Z and Bala) off his shoe using a penny, with ol' Lincoln facing them)
Z: Who the H3LL is that?
Sent major lolz to me  

General Mandible: You're an ant after my own heart, an ant who looks death in the face and laughs.
Z: Actually, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back.

Weaver: Do you have any idea how much trouble you can get in for talking about for even talkin' about impersonation' a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier.
(Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep)

Z (narrating): We rebuilt the colony; better than before, because now we have a very large indoor swimming pool.
When given lemons, make lemonade. Boy is THAT some great lemonade XD

Bala (talking to Chip and Muffy): Pardon me. I guess you don't recognize me. I've been traveling, and I'm all... schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
It's the "schlumpy" that gets it for me XD

Z: Wow, every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
He's got a good eye.

The way Muffy says "Good morning" to Z and Bala   .

[MrDrake]

Cera: So this is your Great Valley!? You're crazy! I'm leaving!
- Land Before Time

[F-14 Ace]

From  The Incredibles...  

Lucius: Honey?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
[helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: *Where?*
Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?
Lucius: I need it!
[Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

[MrDrake]

Demyx: Let's see here....if the subject fails to respond, use agression to liberate his true disposition....right....did they ever send the wrong guy for this one....
- Kingdom Hearts 2

[Ptyra]

Lucius: Honey?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
[helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: *Where?*
Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?
Lucius: I need it!
[Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

My family does this when we can't find a remote for the television XD .
This was a Pixar win. I'm not very fond of the Incredibles, but that scene was just class.

Me (to my snake) : You ungrateful brat! I just cleaned your tank and look what you did!

[StarfallRaptor]

  Not sure if this fits here or not, but...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d4yBjbWbDY

This entire video.    
 

[Cancerian Tiger]

"A Bug's Life"

I felt bad for (I forget his name) being mistaken for a female just 'cuz he's a ladybug .

Fly (while watching circus act): "Hey, Ladybug!  How about comin' over here to 'pollinate' with a real bug?!"

This line was suggestive for a kids movie, with the fly's little gyrating motion as he said what he said, but it was still funny .

Just imagine if "Ladybug" had actually taken up on that offer :blink:.  I wonder what Mr. Fly would think then  .