Funniest Quotes You've Heard

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #260 on:** April 17, 2010, 10:16:54 AM

The Simpsons

Marge: Homer, I can hear you eating your pillow. What's wrong?

Homer: I saw Bart wearing a Hawaiian shirt today.

Marge: So...?

Homer: Marge, we both know that there are only two types of men who wear Hawaiian shirts: Gay Guys and Big Party Animals. And Bart doesn't look like a Big Party Animal...

Ptyra · **Reply #261 on:** April 19, 2010, 07:13:24 PM

From The "Brave Little Toaster"
Radio: Things could be worse, you know
Lampy: How?
Radio: How what?
Lampy: How could they be worse?
Radio: They couldn't. I lied.

Radio: We apologize for the interruption, we now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Kirby: He's not coming back!
Lampy: He might! The fact is, there's just not enough facts!

Radio: (Humming "Taps")
Lampy and Blanket: (Crying)
Toaster: STOP IT!

Radio: Why, if only we were all weiner dogs, our problems would be solved!
Toaster: What?!
Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound?
Kirby: You're all insane! *backs off*

Radio: We're trapped! Trapped like small little rats with no hair and one leg!

Radio: Listen to this! The lamp was awarded with a purple heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery!

Let me find some of Radio's "Teddy Roosevelt" comments/commentaries and I'll be right back!

2007excalibur2007 · **Reply #262 on:** April 22, 2010, 11:22:24 AM

From the Left 4 Dead 2 "The Passing" promo...

Rochelle: I hate those stairs!
Francis: I know!
Rochelle: I hate that bridge!
Francis: It's SO stupid!
Rochelle: I hate your vest!
Francis: ...what, now? *sigh* I don't think this is gonna work out.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #263 on:** April 23, 2010, 05:21:03 PM

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

The Slinky Scene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltwxC19s5u8&feature=related

Ptyra · **Reply #264 on:** April 23, 2010, 05:49:11 PM

The Brave Little Toaster continued.

Lampy: I've got a good mind to reset your alarm! PERMANENTLY!
Radio: Sorry folks, there seems to be a little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle (dodges Lampy as he tries to jump on him, then lands on the bed) This just in, domestic bedroom violence breaks out in peaceful woodland cottage!
Woaaaah, that sounded so weird XD

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #265 on:** April 23, 2010, 06:04:06 PM

The Simpsons

*After discovering the truth about Homer and Mr. Sparkle*

Homer: Well, it was a fun ride while it lasted. Come on kids, let's go home.

Lisa: But we ARE home.

Homer: That was fast.

MrDrake · **Reply #266 on:** April 26, 2010, 09:56:57 PM

Aladdin

Guard: *sees Abu swinging a sword around, sounding frightened* He's got a sword!
Razoul: You idiots! We've all got swords! *pulls out sword as do the other guards*

The Lion King

Banzai: Yeah, we'll be prepared....for what?
Scar: For the death of the king!
Banzai: Why? Is he sick?
Scar: No fool, we're going to kill him....and Simba too
Shenzai: Great idea! Who needs a king? No king, no king, la la la la la!
Scar: You idiots! There will be a king!
Banzai: Hey! But you said....
Scar: I will be king! Stick with me and you will never go hungry again!

LBTFan13 · **Reply #267 on:** April 27, 2010, 10:30:50 AM

Total Recall

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You think this is the real Quaid? It is!" Turns and fires gun.

Classic Arnold quote

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #268 on:** April 27, 2010, 10:56:41 AM

Red vs Blue Revelation
*Simmons and Doc are discussing how they should attack the Meta*

Simmons: Okay Doc, now 's our chance. Hit him with an overcharge. It should overload at least one of his systems.

Doc: Uh... you do it.

Simmons: What? Me? I don't even know how to fire that thing!

Doc: Just pull the trigger and let go; it's super easy.

Simmons: No no, you're trained with it. You should do it. Go!

Doc: What if I miss? What if it doesn't do anything but make him mad? I already made him mad once and that didn't work out very well.

Simmons: Well... then... we'll improvise.

Doc: I don't feel entirely comfortable with that answer...

*Explosion in the distance*

Doc: What the heck was that?

Simmons: Uh oh. I have a bad feeling that someone just caused them (Washington and The Meta) some trouble...!

*The Meta turns to face Doc and Simmons, then charges Doc*

Simmons: Oh no! Improvise! IMPROVISE!!!

Pangaea · **Reply #269 on:** April 29, 2010, 06:41:47 PM

Well, it took eight months, but I’m back with some MythBusters quotes like I promised!

First, a couple one-liners from Jamie that I personally consider classics:

Jamie: When in doubt...C-4!

Jamie: Three...two...one...buh-bye! (hits detonator; car blows up)

Next, two quotes from an episode in which they tested whether a slap to the face grants a drunken person slapping a drunken person sobriety:

Adam: I’ve always wanted to see a high-speed shot of somebody getting smacked in the face.
Jamie: Well, as long as that somebody is you, I’m okay with it.

Later, when Adam actually gets drunk and has Jamie slap him:
Adam: Holy bleeping bleepity bleep!
Jamie: Can I do that again? That was kinda fun.

And here’s one from last night’s show (which brought me a good and much-needed laugh

):

Adam: We’re doing a whole series of myths about pain.
Jamie: I’ve got one: you’re a pain in the *bleep*!

Ptyra · **Reply #270 on:** April 29, 2010, 07:14:06 PM

Lampy: And none of us needs a hearing aid
Hearing Aid: What?
Lampy: NONE OF US NEEDS A HEARING AID!
That really reminded me of when we're watching a movie with my dad. We'd say "Do we need captions for the hearing impaired", and my dad would reply "what?".

MrDrake · **Reply #271 on:** April 30, 2010, 01:54:50 AM

Dave the Barbarian, huge but a wimp

They aint the bravest heroes, but they're the only ones we've got

- Two lines from the opening theme of Dave the Barbarian

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #272 on:** April 30, 2010, 10:31:17 AM

The Simpsons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwmB0VBZGuw

Ptyra · **Reply #273 on:** May 01, 2010, 03:49:41 PM

A Microwave: Why should you have my vote?
"Evil Refrigerator": BECAUSE I'M BIGGER THAN YOU!!!"
Niiice political statement XD

MrDrake · **Reply #274 on:** May 02, 2010, 07:09:56 PM

Denzel walks, Will Smith walks, Mark Walburg is wearing a hat

One line from The Lonely Island's song "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions"

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #275 on:** May 03, 2010, 11:44:46 AM

The Simpsons

*Homer tries to build a grill. He's looking at what should be a nice looking barbecue pit*

Homer: Yeah... that's one fine looking barbecue pit...
*Homer lowers the picture to reveal... a sloppily made junk pile*

Homer: WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!

*He screams then starts bashing it with a pipe*

Homer: Why?! Why must life be so hard?! Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?!?!

*Inside the house*

Marge: How's your father's project coming along?

Bart: I think he's almost done.

*Looks outside and sees Homer charging at the junk pile with an umbrella*

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Slams into pile and an umbrella unfolds*

Bart: Yup, he's done.

F-14 Ace · **Reply #276 on:** May 04, 2010, 09:58:22 AM

Here is a couple from Call of Duty 3 that I laugh every time I hear. In case you don't know, Call of Duty 3 takes place in France during WWII following the D-Day landings.

Sgt. Dixon: Alright, listen up. Today we're on a secret mission to get coffee and donuts. Problem is, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the donuts. So now, we gotta go kick their asses.

Keith: So, as I was saying. Only two things the Frenchies are any good at: surrendering, and kissing. Am I boring ya, Sergeant?"

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #277 on:** May 04, 2010, 10:21:49 AM

The Simpsons
*How Homer failing on the barbecue began...*

Homer: Oh yeah, that's a fine looking-
*Parts fall out of box and into wet cement*

Homer: D'OH! Okay no big deal...
*Picks up parts and puts them into wheel-barrel; which then topples into cement again*

Homer: Aah! Stupid Lisa! Gotta work fast... cement drying! *Grabs instructions* Okay let's see... English side ruined! Must use French instructions. "Le Grille"? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!

MrDrake · **Reply #278 on:** May 11, 2010, 05:30:06 AM

Nappa: *Tien and Chatsou appear* Look Vegeta, more bald people, there the two tall ones, the short one and the....ah....Vegeta! It's a Pokemon!
Chaotsu: I'm not a Pokemon, I'm a Chaotsu! Chaoutsu!
Nappa: Did you hear that Vegeta? It's a Chaotsu, I'm gonna catch it *forms Pokeball and throws it at Chaotsu, which fails* Aww, it didn't work Vegeta
Vegeta: That's cause you have to damage it first Nappa
Nappa: Alright, I'm going to see if I can get a critical

Nappa: *stops in mid flight* Vegeta.....I can fly....
Vegeta: Ah....er...ugh....yes Nappa, yes you can.....

King Kai: *to Goku* Now get the f*** off my planet
Goku: Thank you King Kai, for all the training you have....
King Kai: *interupts* Go home!
Goku: Okay, bye! *flys off*
King Kai: *beat* Oh no! What have I done!? I'm all alone!
*Bubbles talks*
King Kai: Shut up Bubbles
Gregory: Well, you still have me sir
King Kai: Shut up Gregory
Bojack: Yarr! You still have good old....
King Kai: *interupts* SHUT UP BOJACK!
- Dragonball Z: Abridged by TeamFourStar

Belmont2500 · **Reply #279 on:** May 11, 2010, 06:02:55 PM

True Lies

Harry: Helen! The bridge is out!!!

Helen: What?

Harry: The bridge is out!!!

Helen: I can't hear you.

Harry: THE BRIDGE IS OUT!!!!

Helen:*spots the part of the bridge that was destroyed* The bridge is out!!!