Funniest Quotes You've Heard

MrDrake · **Reply #220 on:** February 16, 2010, 02:17:56 AM

Little Sister: Mr. B! Mr. B! Big Sister doesn't want me playing with you anymore....
- BioShock 2

Chowder: Pepper spray? That sounds delicious! *is sprayed in the face with pepper spray* I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!

Mung Daal: What does your gutt say?
Chowder: My gutt huh? *pulls his shirt up*
Chowder's Gutt: Cake!
- Chowder

Chief Wiggum: I'd like to put out an APB on a male suspect, driving a....car of some sort, heading in the direction of.....you know, that place that sells the chili, suspect is hatless! I repeat, hatless!

Chief Wiggum: *pulling over Homer who had been speeding* Alright Simpson, where's the fire? *Homer points to police station which is on fire*

Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murder of Mr. Burns
Homer: D'oh!
Chief Wiggum: That's what they all say, they all say d'oh
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #221 on:** February 18, 2010, 09:35:47 PM

Mass Effect 2

Shepard: So, how did you manage to tick off every major merc gang in the Terminus Systems?

Garrus: It wasn't easy... I really had to work at it.

MrDrake · **Reply #222 on:** February 19, 2010, 09:38:11 PM

Bender: *trying to make himself sound cheaper* I'll do it for $499 and 100 cents
- Futurama

King Neptune: And as for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days
Partick: He can do it in 9!
King Neptune: 8
Patrick: 7
King Neptune: 6
*Krabs and SpongeBob tackle Patrick*
King Neptune: 6 it is then
Patrick: *whilst being choked* 5...
SpongeBob: Patrick shush!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there.
*Hasselhoff comes running up in slow motion*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, uh, where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat? *laughs*
- The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

2007excalibur2007 · **Reply #223 on:** February 21, 2010, 11:10:26 AM

From "Captain Price Plays Halo 3" (a Halo 3 machinima)...

Captain Price: Take control of the predator drone.
Halo 3 player: What's that? :huh:
Captain Price: Predator drone.
Halo 3 player: We've never heard of that.

Captain Price: We need a predator!
Halo 3 player: DUDE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #224 on:** February 21, 2010, 03:12:29 PM

Mass Effect 2

*Garrus was injured during the mission to recruit him*

Shepard: Hell Garrus you've always been ugly. Just slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.

Garrus: *Laughs, then winces in pain* Don't make me laugh Shepard my face is barely holding together as it is.

MrDrake · **Reply #225 on:** February 26, 2010, 02:15:16 AM

Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a mintue, we're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville, just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #226 on:** February 26, 2010, 03:40:40 PM

Robot Chicken

*Boba Fett has returned from the grave to go on a rampage on those annoying Ewoks*

Boba: Oh ho ho ho! Boba's got himself a lightsaber now! Ho-ho-ho! Make it two! *Pulls out second lightsaber* Ooh, red and blue. Put 'em together and what does it make? PURPLE RAIN!!!!!!

Serris · **Reply #227 on:** February 28, 2010, 01:49:36 AM

This is one of the few genuinely funny lines from Twilight Valley:

Strut: *After kicking Ozzie in the groin* I hope you don't need that.

---------

This is is from my Darwin's Soldiers story Fool's Gold:

Dr. Kerzach: *After disabling his assailant with by spraying lubricant in his face* Wear your goggles.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #228 on:** March 01, 2010, 11:09:03 AM

Mass Effect 2

Shepard: How are you getting along with Joker?

EDI: Mr. Monroe does not trust me. It offends him that I am installed aboard "his" ship's computers.

Joker: Yeah well the old Normandy was much better without an AI reminding me that the airlock is ajar.

The Chronicler · **Reply #229 on:** March 01, 2010, 03:24:23 PM

Quote from: Serris,Feb 28 2010 on 12:49 AM

This is one of the few genuinely funny lines from Twilight Valley:

Strut: *After kicking Ozzie in the groin* I hope you don't need that.

---------

This is is from my Darwin's Soldiers story Fool's Gold:

Dr. Kerzach: *After disabling his assailant with by spraying lubricant in his face* Wear your goggles.

Just wanted to let you know that, since those quotes are from written fanfics, those quotes (and any others you've got) should probably go in this topic: http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...?showtopic=3966

2007excalibur2007 · **Reply #230 on:** March 02, 2010, 10:32:58 AM

Okay this one's technically not a "quote", but I just thought it's funny.

From Call of Duty 4 (during the 'All Ghillied Up' mission)...

(MacMillan spots a Russian guard ahead...)
Captain MacMillan: Oi! Suzy! *knifes down the guard from behind*

Animeboye · **Reply #231 on:** March 02, 2010, 02:59:44 PM

*From DBZ Abridged*

Bulma: Namek? Well there's a planet I've never heard of.

Mr. Popo: Oh, would you look at that: a woman who doesn't know any better. What're the odds?

Krillin: To be fair, Mr. Popo, I've never heard of that planet either.

Mr. Popo: Oh, would you look at that: A woman who doesn't know any better.

Krillin: I-I...Dammit...walked right into that one...

First time I heard that, I just bust out laughing!

Ptyra · **Reply #232 on:** March 02, 2010, 10:18:25 PM

Nostalgia Critic: (on the Star Wars: Holiday Special review) Help me, Santa! Help me, Christ! Help me...SANTA CHRIST!!!

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #233 on:** March 02, 2010, 10:36:37 PM

(NC's old vs new review of lord of the rings)

Nostalgia Critic: By the way, how does that work? If the sword wound works its way to his heart he becomes one of the Black Riders?
Bakshi Frodo: Would I have...?
Bakshi Gandalf: You would have become like them...one of the Ringwraiths.
Nostalgia Critic: Wouldn't that be a little...um...awkward? I mean, I don't think they'd look as intimidating if a little guy in a cloak was running around.
Jackson Ringwraith: [speech balloon] Dude, he's gonna ruin our image!
Nostalgia Critic: Eeh, maybe they'd just give him a desk job.
Ringwraith Desk Jockey: I do hate Mondays.

MrDrake · **Reply #234 on:** March 04, 2010, 04:53:28 AM

Sheldon: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. It's very simple. Look -- scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Raj: *pauses* Okay. I think I got it.
- The Big Bang Theory

Over and Under · **Reply #235 on:** March 12, 2010, 08:03:19 AM

Peter Sir I suspect you're on drugs and I have to do a full cavity search drop your pants. Uh Peter you dont have to pull your pants down, Uh sorry Im still learning

Family Guy- Cavity Search

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #236 on:** March 12, 2010, 02:51:53 PM

Mass Effect 2

Garrus' rant about "Reach and Flexibility."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyAGo_k5MiI

MrDrake · **Reply #237 on:** March 16, 2010, 11:25:16 PM

SpongeBob: Horray! Your wife exploded!
- SpongeBob SquarePants

Ptyra · **Reply #238 on:** March 16, 2010, 11:44:50 PM

I have no idea what the villains names in The Last Remake of Beau Geste are...so
"Roy Kinnear": (about the Blue Water Diamond) I've searched everywhere, so it must be elsewhere. But I don't know where elsewhere is.
Main Villain: His private quarters
"Roy Kinnear":...I'm not touching those again
(earlier, "Roy Kinnear" tried to search Beau (Michael York) for the Blue Water Diamond in the showers and well..."Um...I was looking for the soap"

)

Beau (chasing the army as they run from the fort): WAIT FOR ME! WAIT FOR ME! I'M YOUR LEADER! HOW CAN I LEAD IF YOU WON'T WAIT FOR ME!?
(It's mostly the way he said it that's so funny)
Boy can I see Pterano doing that XD

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #239 on:** March 17, 2010, 12:23:54 PM

Mass Effect 2

Dealing with a Volus who claims a Quarian stole his credit chit (a wallet basically).

Shepard: How does running into you mean she stole your credit chit?

Volus: That's how pick pockets work: They bump into you and use it as a cover for rifling your pockets. You can't turn your back on these clanless Quarians. Thieves, all of them.

Tali: Quarians are only forced to steal when people like you won't let them have real jobs.

Volus: And to think that my taxes pay to support you here. Go back to your fleet clanless.

Tali: I am clan Zorah, crew of the starship Neema. And you, are an idiot.

Shepard: It's not worth getting angry about.

Tali: My brain agrees with you. My gut says I should jack his suits olfactory filters so that everything smells like refuse.

Garrus: Remind me never to get on your bad-side.