Funniest Quotes You've Heard

MrDrake · **Reply #480 on:** November 09, 2011, 12:38:36 AM

Dr. Doof: *seeings Perry fighting robots* Wait, why does their platypus know kung fu?
*Perry sighs and puts on his fedora*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus!?
- Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension

Dr. Doof: What kind of plumber are you?
*Perry takes off plumber's hat*
Dr. Doof: A platypus plumber?
*Perry puts on his fedora*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus plumber?
*Perry takes off his plumbing belt*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus!
- Phineas and Ferb

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #481 on:** November 12, 2011, 04:31:09 PM

Bruce Almighty
*Jim Carrey's angry rant*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bprg2_s9mg

*Steve Carrel's News Report*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iplfWUtKMzI&feature=relmfu

MrDrake · **Reply #482 on:** November 15, 2011, 03:31:49 AM

Zoidberg: *is underwater* No! My house! Burned to the ground! How did this happen!?
Hermes: That is a very good question
Bender: So that's where I left my cigar *picks up cigar and smokes it underwater*
Hermes: That just raises further questions!
- Futurama

Cave Johnson: If the laws of physics no longer apply to you in the future, then god help you
- Portal 2

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #483 on:** November 15, 2011, 07:32:19 PM

Drawn Together

Xander: Hey, did you bring the tickets for the zoo?

Captain Hero: What? I thought you had them!
*Xander pulls out the two tickets and they start laughing*

Captain Hero: Oh Xander... if you ever joke like that again, I will ****ing kill you... LOOK OUT ZOO HERE WE COME!
--------------------
Captian Hero: This looks like a job for CAPTAIN HERO! UP UP AND AWAY- Oh wait. I need my magic pixie dust.
*Runs off camera and can be heard snorting the "magic pixie dust" he then runs back on screen*
Captian Hero: I'M CAPTAIN ****ING HERO AND I CAN'T FEEL MY ****ING FACE!
*Flies out window*

MrDrake · **Reply #484 on:** November 15, 2011, 10:57:29 PM

Homer: I don't have to be careful, I gotta gun!

Store clerk: *attaches big cannon thing to end of gun* Aaaand this is for shooting down police helicopters
Homer: Oh I don't need anything like that....yet, just give me my gun
Store clerk: Sorry, but the law requires a 5 day waiting period, we've got to run a background cheek
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now *gun is taken off him* I'd kill you if I had my gun
Store clerk: Yeah well, you don't
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #485 on:** November 16, 2011, 02:09:53 AM

Red vs Blue
*The Reds, Blues, and Tex are discussing plans on attacking O'Malley's base. Tex mentions that O'Malley has recruited one of the Battle Creek Reds.*

Caboose: Oh, I like them. They were funny.

Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a FLAG.

Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.

Tucker: That's ALL they tried to do. There were no good things!

Caboose: That's okay, I have a really bad memory-WOW LOOK WE'RE ON A BEACH!

MrDrake · **Reply #486 on:** November 20, 2011, 07:59:43 PM

Homer: *instructing Marge on howto fly a hot air balloon* Now honey, I want you to pull the thing, that's next to the other thing
Marge: You mean, this thing? *fire burns Homer's head*
Homer: No, that was not the thing....
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #487 on:** November 23, 2011, 02:02:02 AM

RED VS BLUE
*A series of flashbacks detailing Sarge's dislike for Grif*

Simmons: Sarge, Grif was spying on the Blues and they captured him!

Sarge: What did you find out, are they planning something?

Simmons: No, they were just standing around talking like always, but now they're gonna kill him!

Sarge: Well, it was worth it.

*Cut to Simmons and Sarge inside the Blood Gulch base*
Sarge: The base looks so clean, Simmons! Excellent work.

Simmons: Yeah, too bad Grif was almost killed by his allergic reaction to the cleaning supplies.

Sarge: It was worth it.

*Cut to Sarge and Simmons standing over Grif on fire*
Simmons: ...

Sarge: ...Worth it.

MrDrake · **Reply #488 on:** December 01, 2011, 08:09:43 PM

*Homer is in the middle of the road and has run into Mr. Burns*
Mr. Burns: *eyes narrow at him* Shouldn't you be at work?
Homer: Uh, yes sir, Mr. Burns sir
Mr. Burns: Then get back to wherever it is you work, whoever you are
- The Simpsons

Filly Rarity: A rock!? That's my destiny!? What is your problem horn!? I followed you all the way out here, for a rock!? Ugh! Dumb rock! *rock cracks open to reveal gems and Rarity's face lights up with glee*
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Justin1993 · **Reply #489 on:** December 01, 2011, 08:34:42 PM

*I was watching Gnomeo and Juliet and Juliet was talking to Gnomeo through the fence, with Nanette lifting her up*
Nanette: "You know he's going to ditch ya when he finds out how much you weigh."

ChaoticMistress · **Reply #490 on:** December 01, 2011, 10:51:33 PM

(Lately, I've been addicted to the videogame Portal 2 ever since I got it and have been enjoying every minute I play it! Also, here are my two favourite quotes!)

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" --Cave Johnson from Portal 2

"GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a very long shaft] Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!
[claps slowly three times]
GLaDOS: Oh good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
[clap clap]
GLaDOS: Good, that's still working. Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it? Just remember to land on one foot..." --GLaDOS from Portal 2

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #491 on:** December 02, 2011, 01:45:33 AM

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-The Show Stoppers-

Scootaloo: OK, so that's six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes. Anything else?

Sweetie Belle: Yeah... Instructions on how to use six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes.

-Swarm of the Century-
Rarity: I don't have time for some silly scavenger hunt! I've got a real problem...

Pinkie Pie: You've got a real problem all right, and a banjo is the only answer!

Red vs. Blue
-Sarge, Grif, and Donut are standing over what they believe is Simmons' body-
Grif: Simmons is... dead?

Donut: I can't believe he's gone.

Sarge: Well, you know what they say at a time like this: he may be dead, but he's never truly gone... until we get rid of all his gross body parts. Grif, go fetch a garbage pail.

Grif: Sarge, I'm grieving here, can't making up excuses to avoid work wait 'til later?

-Season 8: The Reds and Tucker are fighting Tex. As a running gag, Tucker's armor gets burnt to a black color every time he goes through a teleporter, matching Tex's armor color. Simmons aims a rocket launcher at Tex while she is fighting (and beating) Tucker.-
Sarge: Simmons, what are you waiting for?

Simmons: They look the same, which one do I shoot?!

Tucker: SHOOT THE ONE THAT'S WINNING DUMB-ASS!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #492 on:** December 03, 2011, 03:38:26 AM

Wheatly: *the elevator is gone* Oh, uh the elevator is out of order because it uh....melted....
- Portal 2

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #493 on:** December 04, 2011, 04:47:01 PM

-Futurama-

Bender: You seem kinda wound up there buddy. And your face looks greasy, REALLY GREASY. You been up all night?

Fry: Of course I've been up all night! And it's not just from coffee, it's from insomnia; I can't stop thinking about it! I need a nap. (Sleeps for one second) COFFEE TIME!!!

-The Simpsons-

Groundskeeper Willie: Lunch-lady Dorris, 'ar you got any grease?

Dorris: Yes, yes we do.

Groundskeeper Willie: THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!! (Rips shirt off)

Dorris: :blink: ...Okey-dokey...

The Chronicler · **Reply #494 on:** December 04, 2011, 09:00:14 PM

Mythbusters:

(Tory and Grant are riding in a car that Kari is driving around in circles.)
Grant: I don't like carpooling. Can we not carpool anymore?
(Later, after Kari stops the car and steps out.)
Kari: I love when I get to drive.

(A group of airplanes are flying in a "conga line" formation, with Tory riding in one of them, and it is a very rough ride.)
Tory: I hate the conga line! Why are we doing this!?

(Adam is holding a manhole cover that is labeled "2".)
Adam: I think it's clear that if there's a methane explosion in a sewer, number two will go flying.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #495 on:** December 05, 2011, 10:44:26 PM

Red vs Blue: MIA
*The Reds and Blues are looking for Grif*

Sarge: Where are we?

Simmons: Uhm... don't worry, the city has to be around here somewhere.

Church: You've been saying that for the past three hours; just admit it: we're lost! You have no idea where the city is.

Simmons: We're not lost, I know where the city is! (Awkward pause) I just don't know where we are in relation to it.

Church: That's what "lost" means!

Simmons: Hey, I'm not used to driving; normally Grif does that.

Church: Then what do you do?

Simmons: I navigate.

Church: Then how did we get lost?!

Simmons: We're not lost, I just don't know where we are right now.

Church: STOP SAYING THE DEFINITION OF "LOST" AND THEN SAYING WE'RE NOT IT!!!!

Caboose: Okay, now I'm lost.

Everyone else: Join the club.

MrDrake · **Reply #496 on:** December 08, 2011, 02:07:06 AM

Homer: Marge! I'm going a hardcore gay club and I wont be back until 3 in the morning!
Marge: Have fun!
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #497 on:** December 09, 2011, 03:24:19 AM

MLP: FiM

Rainbow Dash: Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.

Twilight Sparkle: Aren't those all the same thing?

Rainbow Dash: You would think that, Twilight. And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet.
-----------------------------

Red vs. Blue
*The Reds and Blues are flying in to the battle in a Pelican Dropship*
Sarge: There they are! Grif, land right next to them!

Grif: Right... land...

Sarge: You do know how to land this vehicle don't you?

Grif: Sure. That just means "stop flying"; right?

Sarge: BRACE FOR IMPACT!

Tucker: Oh ****, this is gonna suck!

Caboose: I still haven't got my peanuts.

*After the crash*

Sarge: Grif! Look what you did to the ship!

Grif: Eh, **** it; it's a rental.

Sarge: Good point; **** it. *Kicks the ship, and it falls over the cliff*

vonboy · **Reply #498 on:** December 24, 2011, 08:55:24 PM

Amy: "He knows when you are sleeping."

Professor: "He knows when your on the can."

Leela: "He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.

Hermes: "Oh, you better not breath, you better not move."

Bender: "You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude."

Fry: "Santa Claus is gunning you down!"

Merry XMas everyone!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #499 on:** December 27, 2011, 05:27:50 PM

Red vs. Blue: MIA
*Simmons can't find Grif anywhere*

Simmons: He could be laying somewhere right now in trouble! He could even be dying! I'm worried, sir.

Sarge: What are you worried about?

Simmons: I'm... worried about all the stuff I just said.

Sarge: Well, don't worry Simmons. I'm sure that Grif is either perfectly fine, or he's dead.

Simmons: That seems like two extreme scenarios, sir.

Sarge: Not really, in either case, he'll just spend most of the day laying around and smelling bad. That effect on us is the same.

Simmons: You make a strong point, sir.