Funniest Quotes You've Heard

MrDrake · **Reply #500 on:** December 30, 2011, 01:51:32 AM

Peter: I'm gonna go put on my Donald Duck costume....hang on a sec *walks off screen, returns moments later in a sailor's shirt and hat, but with no pants on*
- Family Guy

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #501 on:** December 30, 2011, 03:45:47 PM

Red vs. Blue: New Year's Eve Special
*The Reds are coming up with their Resolutions*

Sarge: Okay let's review: Grif resolves to quit drinking, smoking, and over-eating.

Grif: **** that; I'm no quitter!

Sarge: Also to die. Simmons will resolve on controlling his anger.

Simmons: I DON'T HAVE A GOD-DAMN ANGER CONTROL ISSUE!!!

Sarge: And Donut will resolve to not impersonate that cartoon skunk, Pepe le Pew, during staff meetings.

Donut: (In French accent) Oui, oui; my precious flower...

------------------------------
*The Blues are also coming up with their Resolutions*
Church:    Okay guys, we gotta come up with some really great resolutions. I believe in you guys, you're all smart, and creative, and you have lots of different ideas. In fact, I think that this is the best team ever.

*Tucker, Tex and Caboose are there too, and Caboose is facing backwards*

Caboose:    Where is Church? I can hear him, but I can't see him.

Church:    I know you guys can do it.

Caboose:    I think I am invisible.

Tucker:    Thanks man. Hey, wait a minute, what's your New Year's resolution?

Church:    I have resolved to do a much better job, motivating all of you retards. In fact I'll tell you what if you can't come up with things that you need to change about yourself, I have compiled a list of areas that each of you can improve in. For some of you it's very long.

Tucker:    I'm gonna show more respect to women. Chicks totally fall for all that sincerity crap.

Tex:    I guess if I have to have a New Year's resolution, maybe I can try settling my differences with people, without resorting to violence.

Tucker:    That's a great idea. You should try settling them by resorting to sex.

Tex:    I was thinking diplomacy.

Tucker:    Tex, it's "sex and violence." Who ever heard of "diplomacy and violence?" Go for the sex. I do.

Church:    Tucker.

Tucker:    What? We still have a few more hours before the contest starts.

Tex:    We do? Good.
*Tex punches Tucker in the arm so hard that he falls over and bleeds*

Tucker:    Ow, son of a- woman, you just lost all my respect.

Church:    Well, so much for both of those ideas. Hey Caboose, what's your resolution?

Caboose:    I don't think we should be part of a revolution. I love my country, and I think we should support our troops!

Tucker:    Caboose, we are our troops.

Church:    Hugggh, dear God. I hope this year isn't as long as last year.

MrDrake · **Reply #502 on:** January 04, 2012, 07:17:41 PM

Jack Black: Hey Animal, what are you doing here?
Animal: Acting! *small pause* Natural!

Kermit: Everyone's here, even you guys who weren't in the montage

Selena Gomez: *arriving at the Muppet telethon* I don't know why I'm here, my agent just told me to show up

Neil Patrick Harris: *answering a phone at the telethon* Muppet telethon, no I don't know why I'm here
- The Muppets

Adder · **Reply #503 on:** January 04, 2012, 07:44:34 PM

From Final Destination 5 (not sure what the character's name was, so I'll just post the quote)

(after Sam gets told that a customer wanted his money back for what he payed for tasting flat, another cook tastes it.) "The customer's an ass***e, the bourguignon is good."

He said it such a dead pan, yet hilarious, tone I laughed for five minutes straight after I heard that.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #504 on:** January 05, 2012, 02:35:15 PM

Rooster Teeth Shorts: Jump!

*Burnie, Chris, and Brandon are all frozen mid-air*

Burnie: Someone's bound to come along eventually, maybe we should just wait this out.

Chris: We'll have to eat each other guys, one by one.

Brandon: Hey, I think the janitor comes in at 9!

Chris: We'll eat him too... Wait something's wrong with me. Do I look older? Do I look like I'm aging horribly fast? Do I look older?

Burnie: No man you're frozen; and I'm pretty sure you're not aging at all right now.

Chris: Oh my God I'm not aging at all! What if I'm aging backwards?! Wait... GUYS I'M FROZEN!!!!

Burnie: We know... <_<

MrDrake · **Reply #505 on:** January 26, 2012, 05:40:54 PM

Thompson: Thompson, where are you?
Thompson: It appears that I'm downstairs, do try and keep up
- The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #506 on:** January 27, 2012, 01:47:54 PM

Dragonball Z Abridged
*During the fight between Goku and Vegeta, Vegeta is punched into a cliff*

Vegeta: This...proves...nothing!

Goku: Are you okay in there?

Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.

Goku: Oh really?! Can I come in too?!

Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.

Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream.

Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I LOVE HOW NAIVE AND DUMB GOKU IS IN THAT SERIES.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #507 on:** February 04, 2012, 05:12:47 PM

DRAGONBALL Z ABRIDGED
*After the fight with the Ginyu Force, Gohan, Krillin, and Vegeta put Goku in a healing tank*

Gohan: So, what exactly is this?

Vegeta: It's a healing tank. This will bring the idiot back to full strength.

Goku: (Thinking) Heh heh, the bubbles tickle! Heh-ow. It hurts to laugh. (Continues laughing and saying "Ow")

Vegeta: It'll take a while though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.

Krillin: What happened to the newer model?

Vegeta: Blew it the f*** up.

Krillin: What, did it have an opinion?

Vegeta: Eat me. Now both of you... STRIP.

Krillin: :blink: Uh...

Vegeta: I got body armor for you.

Krillin: Less awkward.

MrDrake · **Reply #508 on:** February 08, 2012, 05:40:42 PM

Lucy: You just shot yourself!
John: It seemed like a good idea at the time....

Mathew: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John: I was out of bullets
- Live Free of Die Hard

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #509 on:** February 08, 2012, 10:45:47 PM

The Other Guys

"You have the right! To remain! SILENT! BUT I WANNA HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!!"

Detective PK Highsmith

Ptyra · **Reply #510 on:** February 16, 2012, 10:31:36 PM

Bugs Bunny: (to Wile E. Coyote) Daddy! You're back from Peru! We thought you was run over by an elevator!

Over and Under · **Reply #511 on:** February 16, 2012, 11:53:41 PM

Don: Raph, everything ticks u off!

Raph: not everything!!........ Alright everything.

TMNT

Belmont2500 · **Reply #512 on:** February 17, 2012, 01:24:36 PM

LOL Another Day 2

Omarouv: Fire!

*He and some other soldiers fire at bulletproof glass until their ammo runs dry*

Russian Soldier: Sir, we're out of ammo.

Omarouv: S**t.

MrDrake · **Reply #513 on:** February 18, 2012, 03:56:40 AM

Lisa: Well, would you look at the wonders of the Earth now?
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said
Homer: Implied Lisa? Or implode?
Lisa: *worried* Mum....make him stop....
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #514 on:** February 18, 2012, 12:59:57 PM

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
*During Scott's fight with Matthew Patel*

Scott: Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?!

Matthew: ...Didn't you get my E-Mail explaining the situation?

Scott: I skimmed it...

Matthew: YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #515 on:** February 20, 2012, 10:31:22 PM

Grandpa: *after Homer gets him a help monkey* *to himself* I can't wait to eat that monkey....
- The Simpsons

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #516 on:** February 21, 2012, 01:26:09 AM

Quote from: Over and Under,Feb 16 2012 on 10:53 PM

Don: Raph, everything ticks u off!

Raph: not everything!!........ Alright everything.

TMNT

That also reminds me, from the first TMNT live-action film:

*Scene opens with the turtles sans Raphael watching Elmer Fudd chase Bugs Bunny*

Leonardo: "Ninja kick the damn rabbit!"

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #517 on:** February 21, 2012, 12:31:02 PM

DRAGONBALL Z ABRIDGED

Vegeta: So what are you doing here?

Gohan: Oh you know just flying around.

Vegeta: Flying around?

Gohan: Yeah, flying around.

Vegeta: Thwarting my plans?

Gohan: Thwarting your plans?

Vegeta: Are you?

Gohan: No.

Vegeta: Good; 'cause that would be bad.

Gohan: How bad?

Vegeta: I'd have to kill you.

Gohan: Oh, that's very bad.

Vegeta: Indeed.

The Chronicler · **Reply #518 on:** March 01, 2012, 11:10:26 PM

(Edited to fix a typo)
I recently watched a trailer for The Avengers, and I couldn't stop laughing at this:

Loki: I have an army.
Tony Stark: We have a Hulk.
*cut to the Hulk, who is smashing every aircraft flying overhead*

MrDrake · **Reply #519 on:** March 02, 2012, 03:08:56 PM

Candace: *annoyed, taking an order* Hashbrown or fruit!?
Customer: Hashbrown
Candace: You're having fruit
Customer: Aww....
- Phineas and Ferb