Something I should clarify is that the main reason for my recent struggles with reviewing isn’t as much that I'm so constantly busy that I don't have time for it, but that the pressure from all the tasks and issues I've had to worry about have left me feeling spread thin, too stressed out for extensive posting (sometimes even forgetting entirely). Just typing posts has become an effort for me; it can take me an hour or more to write a single large paragraph or a review for a story such as yours. Much of that time is spent simply trying to figure out the right words to express my thoughts. Composing a short post from whatever thoughts are present in my head at the time doesn’t take too much out of me, but writing a review is, by comparison, a long, meticulous, and arduous undertaking that requires me to analyze the events of the chapter (often looking back to previous ones to get a sense of continuity), scrutinize the text to scope out errors, mine my vocabulary for the right words, and organize those words such that my thoughts are properly conveyed. (Your story presents a particular challenge, as, to be honest, it's not the kind of LBT fanfiction I would typically review on my own, having very little familiarity with
Bionicle; it's harder for me to comprehend the world of the story and recognize its “rules”.) I might seem sharp from the posts I write, but in reality my mind works very slowly. While I’m ashamed to admit it, a lot of the time I have so much on my mind, and feeling so frazzled and unfocused because of it, that I just don’t feel up to the task at that time, telling myself I’ll work on it later. Pathetic, I know.
This isn’t anything personal; I’m like this with almost everything I do (one reason I honestly don’t think I have much hope of making something of myself in the world
).
As for the things that have been keeping me occupied, one particularly significant real-life distraction is my first real job: proofreading recipes for a cookbook that my college is preparing for its centennial. Originally, it was just my job to read over the several hundred recipes (all submissions from students and staff of the college) for errors, consistency, and comprehensibility, but then I accepted an offer to input recipes into the database (many of them are originally submitted in paper form, and must be typed in to the computer) for additional pay. That, however, takes considerably greater time and effort. In addition, I quickly discovered that since I usually look at my keyboard while typing instead of my computer screen, I may accidentally create my own errors while typing and not notice them. I couldn't have that, so I've been trying to train myself to look at the screen as I type. It's not as easy for me as it is for some people, since my hand-to-eye coordination isn't great, and my fingers regularly “forget” where the right keys are, so I end up making a lot of typos. While at least I am able to see them and correct them immediately, it takes me longer to type as a result. The good news is that just a couple of days ago, I finally finished inputting all of the recipes I currently had, so at least some of the burden is off my back for the time being. (I’ll be getting more recipes soon, though… :unsure:)
Another real-life matter that has occupied much of my time in the past month is my brother (the older of my two younger brothers, specifically), who, in mid-December, returned home for the first time in nearly five months, having been studying abroad for his fall college semester. He had a lot of catching up to do with the rest of the family, and vice versa. He came back with over 20,000 photos (yes, that’s the correct number of zeros) of his time overseas that he was eager to share, and we eager to see. On evenings when the whole family had a simultaneous hour or so of free time, he would show us these photos on a projector. There were also several films he wanted to see, from
Tangled at the movie theater to
Life (a nature documentary consisting of eleven one-hour episodes) on our Blu-ray player. Not to mention all the talking and socializing with his siblings that he hadn’t been able to do since July. He had less than a month to do all the things he wanted to do with us before he had to go back to college, andóhaving always been closer to him (and my other family members) than to any other person in the worldóI was obliged to spend a considerable amount of my time with him. You could probably say that it was my first priority. (To say that family is very important to me is a monumental understatement; I probably don’t devote enough time to it as it is.) My brother has been gone for several days now, so I can’t use the excuse that I couldn’t review your chapter sooner because I was spending time with him. However, while he was with us, I didn’t find a whole lot of time to devote to other tasks, namely my cookbook job. Since focusing on several things at a time makes it harder for me to get
any of them done, so I decided that I wanted to get that job over with as quickly as possible. (It seems that it really has made a difference; I’ve noticed that I’m managing to get a lot more posting done at a faster rate since I finished with the cookbook.)
There have been some other, minor family issues that have caused me stress and/or distraction, but I have a great deal of respect for the privacy of my other family members, and so one of my personal rules is to not post anything that I imagine they would rather not have shared on a public forum. Just to avoid causing undue concern, however, I want to emphatically assure everyone that I have a very loving, stable, and supportive family to whom I am very close, and that whatever unwanted drama and grief they bring to my life is insignificant to my long-term self-esteem and well-being. That said, being as sensitive as I am, when there
is drama in my family, it generally doesn't put me in a great mood for writing reviews.
Other items on my agenda:
ï Continuing to volunteer at the local aquarium.
ï Household chores. (Lately I’ve been worrying that I’m not pulling my weight around the house, so I’ve been trying to help out more.)
ï Reviewing fanart and fanfiction, such as yours, Caustizer’s, Sky’s, and FlipperBoidSkua’s.
ï Keeping up with the “In The Land Before Time” RP. (These posts require a particularly extensive amount of time, thought, and effort for me to write.) Again, thankfully I don’t have to worry about it for the time being.
ï Posting photos in my “Twin Cities” vacation thread, after which I’m going to start another thread for my vacation to Florida in November.
ï The three (ridiculously belated) star day cards I'm making, which are by far the things I've been devoting the least time to.
Believe me when I tell you that I really have been feeling overwhelmed lately (probably due to trying to do too many things at once). I've even given thought to taking a break from the GOF, but I imagine that that would only make things worse, as I would be letting down the people for whom I have obligations to post, and that when I returned I would only find an immense backlog of fanart and fanfiction to review. I really don’t know what to do at this point. :unsure:
I have to say, Chronicler, that your post reminds me a lot of an exchange we had almost a year ago when I was late in sending you reviews for your first fanfic. (You told me that I wasn't the only one with problems then, too.) I am more than aware from reading other people's posts on this forum (especially the “How Are You Feeling” thread) that I am not the only person on this forum who is feeling stressed or having difficulty in their life. Forgive me if I'm wrongóthis could just be my paranoiaóbut I'm getting the impression that you're irritated by my lateness to review, andójust maybeóby the explanations I give as well, like I’m just complaining or trying to make excuses.
Let me just say this: I think that, by most people’s standards, I’m lazy, or at least a wimp when it comes to stress. I have dismal willpower and am pathetic at handling pressure. I’m a severe procrastinator and a supreme failure at delivering promises on time. And I hate myself for all of this.
I really am sorry for being so late with reviewing your chapteróand I know there are several members out there to whom I owe the same apology, for various things.
When I posted my review, I thought it would be better if I at least offered some explanation for why I was late, rather than just casually posting it without any indication that I cared that I had taken so long.
Pangaea
