What are you thinking about?

[The Anonymous Person]

Thinking about how much stuff I would like to do in my school next year.

[I am the Great IB]

Thinking about our missing cat

[rhombus]

I am thinking about how it is hard to believe that I will be 31 in just a few hours.  :blink: Although most of my birthday festivities occurred last weekend, I am still looking forward to having dinner with some friends of mine tomorrow.

[The Chronicler]

I'm thinking about a newspaper clip my grandmother left here a few days ago for my sister. (A few friends of my sister went on a trip to Germany a few months ago.) According to what I've read, the high school of my hometown of Vergennes has been doing an exchange student program with the German city of Bochum since 1987. If I'm not mistaken, that happens to be the exact city where fellow GoF member Malte lives. Small world, isn't it?

[EggStealerGirl]

Thinking about summer vacation.

My family and I are leaving for South Padre Island tomorrow.

[Ducky123]

[LONG POST] (If it's too offensive, you may delete or move this to the AM, admins)

Thinking about... myself or rather what is possibly wrong with me. Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm feeling great but there's something that worries me and makes me happy at the same time. It's hard to explain. So where to start? Well, maybe I should state what made me think about this matter in the first place: Watching two children movies recently (Ronia, the Robber's Daughter & Vicky the Viking). In both movies, two children are the main characters and in both movies we got a boy and a girl. Another thing they share is the fact that the parents are really tough guys but that's not important. What is important, and that brings us back to the thing that worries me, is the fact that both stories have a sort of love thingy. Since we're talking about children movies, this is of course only having a crush on each other if at all but still... I'll explain:
Starting with Ronia: Ronia and Birg are the children of two hostile groups of robbers. At first they behave just like their parents would since they're "talking to the enemy" but since both save each other in tricky situations they drop the hostility of their folks and begin to develop a deep friendship. When their parents forbid their friendship, they run away from home and live in the surrounding woods together. They consider themselves siblings and they are very close to each other. Due to various events, the two groups eventually drop their hatred towards each other and ally. Consequently, the two decide to return home... together. Overall a very sweet story.
Now moving to Vicky: Vicky and Ilvy are kids of Vikings. Vicky isn't strong and stupid like all the others but weak and very intelligent (on a side note: Similar set-up to HTTYD). Ilvy is the only other kid who believes in Vicky and she really likes him in a childish way. When Vicky constructs a kite because of Ilvy's wish to fly, he sees a hostile ship from up there. While he gets stuck in a tree, Ilvy alerts the vikings having had a wild party the previous night. In the fight, the kids are taken away including Ilvy. Vicky wasn't caught for being stuck in said tree. When the Vikings seek revenge, Vicky manages to smuggle himself onto their ship and a great adventure begins. In the end, it is Vicky's brains that saves all the children and the Vikings. In the end, Ilvy tries to admit her crush but something always interrupts her.
If you read this far, thanks. Now I'm getting to the point:

While watching these two movies... at the end I was like: "When will they kiss already?"

Neither of them did, much to my disappointment But that's just the point, isn't it? We're talking about movies aimed at children and I'm thinking about them kissing. Like kids fall in love at that age... At least, not really. When I was like 9-12 years old, I've also had my little crush on a girl but it was, honestly, nothing serious.
Anyways, before I'll try to do a self-diagnosis, have some more facts about me that indicate the very same thing:
I highly adore child singers/musicians and actresses (well, girls, that is). Especially the former. On the one hand, they have talent; one main reason why I adore them BUT, on the other hand, I like them for their cuteness.
I get along with children and people younger than me in general very well while I'm not that popular amongst people of my age. When I'm driving to school by bus, I'm usually talking to a bunch of young girls (11-12 years old). One of them is the daughter of a good friend of my mum's and since she entered middle school we've grown a friendship. Funnily, her friends like me just as much. Though one might say that they adore me rather than the other way around, this is a thing anybody would consider weird (thanks or reminding me constantly, sis   ). In general though, as I indicated, younger people accept me easily while people my age don't really do (well, some of them do). While boys think I'm cool (people my age thinking the very opposite), girls like me for reasons I don't know. Maybe it's just not being arrogant, saying "Eugh, those rotten little kids, can't they shut up!?" Many people think that way, sadly. They were kids themselves, gee!
Well, I like cartoons. Many people do but it's supporting my theory.
Quite funnily, Ducky is my favourite character, being a girl and, without any doubt, the most childish LBT character.
I've never had a girlfriend yet. Considering my age this isn't unnormal at all but still... it fits. Well, my crushes have always been rather shy, beautiful girls. My shyness always prevented me from actually doing more than seeking eye-contact only to look away whenever they looked at me. They all were not older than 13. Though that was still when I was about their age. Currently, I have a crush on a girl 4 years younger than me. She's 14 though only since a few weeks... relationships like that aren't unheard of and clearly not weird but still... it fits. In general, I never liked girls with big boobs. I'm not attracted by "attractive" girls but by those who are not.
I can have weird thoughts sometimes...
A fetish of mine that I don't want to reveal has to do with children in a way that would probably offensive though I don't want to what it suggests... or rather, I don't want to make them what the fetish is about.
Enough talking I suppose. I'll make it short: I believe I'm pedophile. I'd NEVER do what many people think ALL pedophiles do though. I would NEVER want to hurt a child. I like kids but not in THAT way. I'd never want to **** them. It's destroying so many young souls and that's why I'm so worried about this. You know, I don't want to be what I am but can I change it? Pedophilia is not an illness you can cure as far as I'm aware. It's a form of sexiality just like being gay or bi. If you're gay, you can't teach or brainwash people into being hetero. We are what we are, huh?
So yeah, I only fear that I, one day, become what I don't want to become. On top of that, I always feel guilty for even thinking about young girls or looking at them in a funny way. I can't help it.
Just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks to everyone who read 'till the end and I hope this revelation won't change your perception of me.

~Ducky123~

[jansenov]

No offense, but thank you for the good laugh! After the part where you said you suspect you could be a pedophile I simply couldn't contian myself.

No, you're not a pedophile. Don't worry about it. My best friend also has a preference for younger girls and it has bugged him for years (he's 25, and when he was 18 he dated a 14 year old, and when he was 23 he dated a 17 year old; now he is courting a 22 year old). The reason you like younger girls is simply because you get better feedback from them, because you have an endearing and somewhat "soft" personality for a guy. Girls of your age probably find you too soft, while younger girls see a guy that is both sweet and manly (compared to their peers). So, though there is some physical attraction, the joy of getting along with a compatible personality is not to be ignored.

My friend on the other hand, is extremely sociable (above you and far above me), and is generally liked by everyone, but he is very emotional and somewhat childish. Thus again, girls of his age get somewhat put off by this (and no offense to female members of the GOF, but women have very high standards when they're in their mid 20s/ early 30s), but younger girls find him just great.


Now, when he is getting closer to age of 30, the consistent age discrepancy between him and his dates is getting blurred, partly because age discrepancy loses its significance as people grow older, partly because he is indeed not a pedophile.

It will likely be the same in your case when you reach his age.

I have a problem with women, but of a different kind. I'm attracted to women whose personality could be aptly described with a single word- dragons. Of my age or older, strong, intelligent, but also playful and somewhat perverse. But as a knight entering the dragon's layer without his sword and armor, you're lucky just to get out alive and un-humiliated out of such a confrontation.

That's why I'm trying to alter and tone down my desires and settle down with a normal girl.

[Ducky123]

Thank you very much for your kind words, Hrvoje. I sure hope that you are right. I am indeed a rather "soft" person; your explanations make sense to me. As much as I do hope to get over this eventually and find a girlfriend one day, I hope you will be lucky as well

[Serris]

Kicking myself for failing to archive amazing stuff I found on the Internet.

I'm especially irked by these:

• Silver by Regina Demonica
  
• The Rikken region by Flygon 101
  
• A video that depicted TF2's Demoman vs Soldier as a PokÈmon Stadium-style battle.
  
• TCB: The Palladium Wings
  
• SouthPawRacer's art for LBT: Future Wars
  

Granted, I have partial pieces of Flygon's works and TCB: The Palladium Wings but compared to the original, it's like having only half of Tom Clancy's novel.

And Silver, that video and SouthPawRacer's art are never to be seen again. Even with Archive.org. My only hope for Silver is to root through all my memory sticks and hard drives.

[Justin1993]

I finally figured out why I can't lose these last few pounds. I'm not eating enough. So now I'm wondering where the heck I'm going to get those extra calories.

[Pangaea]

Wondering what it is about me that's so repellant to other people.

It seems to be my curse in life that no matter what social situation or relationship I find myself in, I either find myself stuck on the sidelines, feeling like an outsider with no place in the group; or, on the occasions when I try to take charge of my own social life and manage to heave myself into a position of acceptance, I unwittingly commit some social gaffe or expose some unidentified aspect of my personality that scares other people away, thus alienating myself from the person or social group I was attempting to interact with.

I can't understand what I'm doing wrong. Anyone who knows me should be aware of how quick I am to pontificate on my own flaws and deficiencies, but even with my rock-bottom level of self-esteem, I've long thought of myself (and strived to be) a friendly, easygoing, generous, courteous, patient, humble, moral, open-minded, non-judgmental person. So what am I doing wrong? Why is it that whenever I meet someone who shares my interests and to whom I express a desire to be friends with, they never return my e-mails or phone calls, or follow up on my appeals to communicate again sometime soon?

Keep in mind, these are all platonic relationships; I can't say I've never felt the slightest romantic or sexual interest towards anyone I've ever met. Could my problem be that I'm too friendly, too emotionally open, too quick to do generous things like pay for lunch or give a piece of artwork, that the people I try to befriend think I'm interested in them romantically? This is something I've often worried about, but at the same time I feel like it would make people uncomfortable if I were to put too fine a point on the fact that I am only looking for platonic friendships, or that I consider myself essentially asexual. Again, I feel like I'm doomed to failure at making friends, no matter which choices I make.

It's times like this when I feel like I'm beyond all hope of growing as a person; that my life's a dead end and that I'd be better off dying and sparing the rest of the world the inconvenience of having me around. My drive to accomplish things has all but withered away. Drawing and writing are slow, boring, agonizing processes for me now, and I take hardly any joy in them. Everything I do feels like an exercise in futility. Whenever I hear news about the world today (especially where wildlife and the environment are concerned), I grow ever more hopeful that I will not live long enough to witness the logical outcome of the events in question. Even my own ideas and ambitions for how I might potentially benefit the world look like impossible dreams with no chance of being fulfilled. I'm too slow, too eccentric, too forgetful, too inadequately skilled for this world. It's a depressing, lonely, pitiful thing to be me.

[jansenov]

^How well did you know these people before trying to get close to them? Maybe people have the impression that you appear out of the blue in their lives? Maybe you should go more gradually and stop aiming to please so much in the beginning. You could come across as having ulterior motives, not necessarily romantic (especially not to the male sex). Figure in the likelihood that the people you're trying to befriend are as socially insecure as yourself or even more, and there you have it; people become silent all of a sudden.

Friendships can rarely be planned in advance, but nevertheless, there is one avenue you could pursue: find someone who shares at least some of your interests, but has a larger circle of friends then yourself. It doesn't have to be somebody very popular or prestigious, in fact, at this point, approach that kind of person only if you really like them. Then, try to go along with his/her friends even if they don't share your interests. In a larger and more diverse group of people, the group isn't so monolithic, and you will be perceived less as an outsider than in a smaller group. People will feel more comfortable to let you approach them, and you should use that opportunity. Eventually, they may even approach you, even if you didn't have so much in common in the beginning. And then you can use those people to get to know other people that suit you better, or deepen the relationship with them. The choice is yours.

The point is, stick with one group and work from there. Be there, talk with people, or interject when you feel is convenient (don't wait for the perfect moment, though, cause it might not arrive!), and very importantly, don't say everything that is on your mind. I don't know if your drink, but some drinking can also greatly "grease the wheels". Since you are very well versed in the area of your expertise, a tiny pinch of pride also won't hurt you.   People will see you as being independent and    those who don't know you well won't be afraid that you will smother them emotionally. And if you make a mistake (in a group), which you inevitably will, try to diminish it's importance and move on (unless you made it while alone with someone, then apologise), and afterwards you can discuss the issue with the person from the group you feel closest to.

That's it from the top of my head.

[The Chronicler]

I'm thinking about how I really need to work on going to bed earlier. I used to think 2am was a late time to go to sleep, but over the past week, I've been unable to be in bed before 3am, and some nights even 4am! -_-

[Littlefoot fan 1990]

I've been thinking about how fun it would be to reboot The Land Before Time series. There are endless possibilities as far as I'm concerned when it comes to fanfiction.

[Midnight]

I'm trying to figure out if what I wrote in another forum is actually English or just something I imagined

[chomperrules1993]

I've been thinking about being a voice actor for quite some time  

[Cancerian Tiger]

I didn't realize all the steps one needs to take to get in to EMT school :blink:.  There is an increasing demand for EMT-certified employees within my workplace, and it's something I've been wanting to do but have placed it on the backburner due to both long commutes and paying for grad school.  With my new job starting next month, I will be closer to a university town where the course is offered.  Problem is, they may only have it in the fall, when I have other big things going on including this contract ending.  I'm waiting to hear back from them to see if they offer it sooner.  I'm not driving three hours or more one way to Vegas minimum once a week for a course.  So many details to work out  .

[Midnight]

I spend WAY TOO MUCH time in forums... I should do something about it.

[Serris]

Nostalgia.

I'm browsing through my archive of fanfiction and recalling how I first got involved in it.

And then I saw mentions and snippets of long-vanished fanfictions.

All I could do is shake my head and sigh. There will never be a way to retrieve them.

[StrutEggStealer]

Mostly thinking about the next week and the quite possible tests/quizzes it brings O_o
 
Also about those one or ten new stories I really really really want to work on, gaaaah!